"Tell Me a Story About Chuck Norris."

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Sep 9th, 2010
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We’ve just returned from another successful World Drinking Tour Excursion, and while I’m sure there is much more to write about the entire experience I felt it important to get this one little detail down as quickly as possible.

Skippy and I were at the Delerium Café enjoying a beverage or two at an outside table in the alley. There were several empty chairs around us and, as often happens, random strangers would plop down at the table, exchange pleasantries, and then move on. But one gentleman in a particular seemed to be on a mission.He was from Switzerland, but that’s not his fault. We didn’t get his name, or if we did, it was something like Wicky, or Zubriggen or Donders … but no matter. We’ll call him Montreaux (Monty for short).

Monty plopped into a chair across from us and introduced himself. We did the same. Everyone was smiles and sunshine and drunkeness and laughter. But then, Monty turned serious.”Tell me a story about Chuck Norris.” he said to me, his eyes filled with a strange longing.

“What?” I replied … as you will.”Tell me a story about Chuck Norris.” he repeated.I was momentarily taken aback. (more…)

2010 Belgian Hop Harvest Declared A Total Loss

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Aug 19th, 2010
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Devastating news out of Belgium today as Belgian Beer Association president Monsieur Lapin Drole declared the 2010 Belgian Hop Harvest a complete and total loss. “Devastation of this magnitude is unprecedented. The Belgian Beer industry can never recover,” sobbed Monsieur Lapin at a hastily arranged press conference on Tuesday.

While scientific authorities have not yet released their report on the massive crop failure, Belgian Beer Blogs are reporting that the following image is to blame.

The photo clearly shows an unidentified Sasquatch type creature running naked through the hop fields of Belgium.

Unidentified Sasquatch Running Naked Through Belgian Hop Fields

Unidentified Sasquatch Running Naked Through Belgian Hop Fields

And once this photo has been seen, it cannot be unseen.

Try as you might, and oh yes, you will try, but it will haunt you for the rest of your days.

“The image is burned into my retinas,” stated Fesses Velu, noted Belgian Beer Snob and Hop Farmer from Wallonia. “I can never look at a hop field the same way again, or drink a hoppy malt beverage without reliving this horror. It burns my eyes like a venereal disease. Not even the English would buy these hops now.”
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World Drinking Tour 2010: "The Gathering "

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Aug 6th, 2010
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As the 2010 gathering of the now infamous World Drinking Tour draws near, I felt it was high time to reflect on the past and to attempt – possibly with the utmost futility – to make sense of it all. As is my way, rather than compose an original hypothesis, I’ve decided to do what I do best and boil everything in life down to an obscure pop culture reference. I’m the Ellen Page of 40 year old drunk guys.
So yes, I referred to our upcoming European drunkfest as a “gathering” with a very intentional nod to “Highlander: The Gathering” from 1992. For the uninformed I’d usually spend a few lines here describing Highlander, getting you up to speed, and filling in the gaps where you’ve chosen to shun media references and stock up on “book learnin”. But, too bad for you It’s 2010 so Google it.
The real point is that there are many frightening parallels between the Highlander “Gathering” and ours.
In Highlander, wise immortal, Juan Sánchez Villa-Lobos Ramírez (played by Sean Connery), describes the Gathering to Connor MacLeod in this way: “When only a few of us are left, we will feel an irresistible pull towards a far away land, to fight for the Prize.”
Interesting.
Indeed, there are only a few of us left and getting fewer each year. Thankfully none have been pulled away by “The Big Last Call”. No, we’re all still alive. But, some have chosen to abstain for personal reasons, family commitments, budget constraints or the debilitating time zone change between the UK and Belgium … all completely reasonable excuses and all perfectly unacceptable. When you get the call you HEED it. Regret, boredom and the possibility of a longer life to suffer these things are the only reward for not doing so.
You see, the WDTourists, like the Immortals, do not live as a united people, but are scattered around the world and across history. The singular bond between all of us is a set of unwritten guidelines called “the Rules” which are transmitted from teacher to student.

The Highlander Rules are:

No “What”, Sherlock?

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Oct 17th, 2009
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Beer Drinkers recognized as an Ethnic Group

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Sep 7th, 2009
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Beer Drinkers Offered Same Rights as Religious and Cultural Groups

EU gets something right for once

A special report reprinted through the courtesy of The Grey Town Gazette.

Brussels, Sept 7th:
The European Union is to introduce legislation officially recognizing beer drinkers as an Ethnic Group.

The decision was made by a group of influential MEPs as they participated in an intensive 3-day field study at the 2009 Brussels Beer Festival.

The move means that Beer Drinkers will have similar rights to religious groups.

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2009 Drinking Tour Update: The apéritifs are sorted

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Jul 30th, 2009
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There’s some buzz in the UK this week about the release of the UK’s strongest beer.

Clocking in at 18.2%, the BBC points out that a single bottle contains twice the recommended daily limit.

Ah … to live in a nanny state and have both the state and people like the Auntie Beeb looking out for you.

Truth is, we know that BrewDog is just using this as a publicity stunt, and that’s good enough for us. We need a first official drink to start off this year’s festivities, and it’s got to be BrewDog Tokyo.

Arrangements are being made to get enough BrewDog Tokyo to Poperinge for those who are making the whole trip. If it’s complete crap, at least there will be 100 different beers to wash away the after taste…

Thanks Keith!!!

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