Texting out of Context
@b
A brief word of explanation: The WDT, while focused on the pursuit of inebriation, is not immune to the overpowering influence of technology. Thus, each year we set up a text messaging group called @B that allows our merry band to be in constant contact throughout the trip.
It’s simple … you subscribe to the list and, as you feel the need, you send texts that everyone on the list will receive. It is mostly used as a tool to setup various rendezvous points, and some folks who don’t make the trip use it to live vicariously, but, as the trip grows longer and the evenings later, strange and wonderful words begin to appear.
What follows is a “best of” list from the @B logs of our most recent trip. It is not in date or time order and is completely taken out of context. It’s much funnier that way.
The only constant is that each of these items was actually sent out to the entire group at some point during the trip. Names have been largely omitted to protect the less than innocent … but you know who you are.
Enjoy!
“You should be in bed with a hangover.”
“If baby in carriage screams any louder it will break the windows. That would be good. Need some fresh air!”
“Guy walking in Brussels street drinking Corona beer from bottles! Why?”
“It’s not so bad here at the Delirium.”
“Well I might just drop in to see what condition my condition is in.”
“The young Allan is in the house. The older one not so much.”
“Your sugar daddy is here!”
“Demons 2, Allan 0″
“Hoopty’s got big wheels.”
“A day without Keef is like a day without sunshine”
“Bring it on.” … a few seconds later … “Consider it broughten!”
“The intoxicated feeling is mutual.”
“Whatever you lot are on count me out!!”
“Tart”
“Put them in your pockets/nostrils….”
“What’s with the dice?”
“ Oh, I don’t know why she’s leaving, Or where she’s gonna go, I guess she’s got her reasons, But I just don’t want to know, ‘Cos for twenty-four years I’ve been living next door to Alice. Alice, who the fuck is Alice”
“The waterpick is dry.”
“You are all cunts.”
“Lost. One chocolate daddy. If found please return to cafe delerium”
“Nap time is about to come to an abrupt end…”
“We are at the de vergulde lantaarn!” … a few seconds later … “Is that a gym?”
“Eat the frites then enter the bar! Obvious, init!”
“Nice train, shame about the 15mph speed limit.”
“Duvel out of proper Duvel plastic cup. I swear it tastes better than out of ordinary plastic cup.”
“ Kasteel Tripel. The beer that drinks like a meal.”
“If not chained to torture devices, suggest Belgique. If chained, thanks.”
“Don’t forget that Maresous 10 is only SPF10. Ineffective as a sunblock. Apply only internally.”
“Demons: 4 – Greeks: 2 – Allan: 11.5 abv”
“Didn’t fancy stir-fry mouse”
“There’s no basement at the Pokemon. But there are 100s of things you can do with maize and I will explain them all to you now. ”
“Thinking of ordering 50 extra cold westmalles…not to drink: to sit in”
“Gout Pills are for wussies. You should be on the Tripel”
“Allez les Belges on va gagner Oh?, oh? oh? oh? We are the champions We are the champions Oh?, oh? oh? oh?”
“Legion V has breached the monesterium”
“End of tether”
“Pancakes anyone?”
“ Who’s ready for a drink?”
“ 70p”
“Great to see you. Thanks for the beers and the address of that free clinic.”
“Your dog is at the Belgique”
“Westmalle has done me a world of good”
“First westmalle tripel and tequila of the day”
“Its not how you start its how you finish!”
“Happy brett day birth!”
“Just had a Birthday Pita Greek…no candles but still worked!”
“Awake is overrated.”
“ I’m having a out of body experience…my body is up and packing, my mind is curled up in bed”
“My body just reminded me we had chicken fal last night” … a few secons later … “The gift that keeps on giving”
“ Jeg snakker norsk veldig bra. Være takknemlig det er ingen hest i biff lapskaus”
“One hour train journey left. Lots of beef traffic outside.”
“Two words: Westvleteren Blonde.”
“Dont set the barkeep on fire. It slows service considerably.”
“Stop texting and concentrate on drinking.”
“My Mum Shagged Elvis.”
“My Rock Star pseudonym is blown…Alice ‘Cup Cakes’ in Wonderland was right!”
“Respect the beer!”
“ BB is suitably concerned”
“ 4am frites. Suck it!”
“Dining in close proximity to the crock pot.”
“Wow, I didn’t know cell phones worked in cellars!”
“I’m pretty sure that’s a man.”
“ Westmalle Tripel has amazing restorative properties.”
A few words on rock n roll:
“Oh no… Gout and throwing up” … a few seconds later … “That sounds like one of Allan’s bands” … then … “Better than his previous band. The Green Curry Exodus.” … and … “Or my new band brugge springsteen puff puff” … and finally … “Hamster Dan and the Westmalles… Great band!”
A few words on mojitos:
- “Where is that mojito?”
- “ Sounds like a plan…just have a mojito or two to finish..”
- “ 4am, giant mojito nearly finished…why don’t I feel even slightly pissed?”
- “Feel a mojito coming on…”
- “ I’ve found my mojo-ito!”
… and one final thought …
“ Stop reading texts and drink.”
‘nuff said.
